I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
