You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
