I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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