finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
