I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
