hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
