i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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