sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is Oprah even human
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
