he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize