I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
