Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize