We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A bitchslap is in order.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
