He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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