Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
