so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
