What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
