He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
