I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
