areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
