The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
