My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
