So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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