Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
