come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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