I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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