matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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