i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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