first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
