it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
