you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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