this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
