Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
