oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
