Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
