just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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