I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
