is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
