I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
