I'm really into asian looking animals
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
