did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
