Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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