My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I touched a dick in church today
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
