don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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