may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
