i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
