I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently the secret to your success is patron
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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