Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
