i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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