just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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