That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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