If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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