i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
