There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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