i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this beer tastes like vomit already
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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