I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
