I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
