and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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