the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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