Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
