Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
