His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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