It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
