well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
