I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize