Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
