dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
