Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
