ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
