Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
