Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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