last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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