i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
