Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
