I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
