Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
