he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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