32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
