He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
