she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
