Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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