Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
