Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
