she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
