my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize