I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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