sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize