Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
