I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
