Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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