I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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