my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Come on in and take your pants off
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