I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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