guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
