Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
