dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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