i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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