i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
