It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
