Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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