Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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