dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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