i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
